Thankful Heart

As Thanksgiving was getting closer and I realized that it would just be the 5 of us here in California for dinner, my heart started to ache. It was saddened that this Thanksgiving was going to be very different than any of the Thanksgivings we had had in a long time. I started (as I do when I get weepy) to think of all the many blessings that I have and it started to make me feel somewhat better. Here is where my mind went and you can come along if you like: I am so grateful for the Gospel of Jesus Christ! With it all the other blessings I have fall into place and make all the sense in the world. I am so grateful for my family! They are everything to me! As a young mother many years ago I felt over whelmed with all that a mother had to do and never getting to half of it. I now appreciate all that I can do now that I wasn't able to do then. ( there is a time for all things) I am grateful for my daughters/ in law daughters for their great examples of being and preparing to be great moms. I love their patience,love,patience, energy, patience, diligence in doing good things and more endless patience! They are great teachers to my precious grandchildren and I know they are going to be a great new generation. There are many gifts we are given but I love the one my daughters are giving and that is the gift of being great moms. I love my sons/ sons in laws for their devotion to their wives. They give so much to make sure their families are taken care of. I am so grateful for their hard work and devotion that they give freely, another gift that I am so grateful for!Of course it is all the little ones that make me smile the most!!! (sorry but its true). I have 13 amazing grandkids(Evelyn Rose is due in Feb) that would make any nana smile, and I do every time I think of them. I love the noise they make cause its what life is all about. They are busy talking, playing, screaming, crying but its all life and it's great! I love my kids all of them. They all bring a different element into our family and without one of them it isn't complete! I love them all for who they are and who they are becoming! They never cease to amaze me!!! I love family! I love my husband!! I love the hard work he does everyday and in serving those of our ward. He works long days and still has time to serve for more after his work day is done. He has always been that way and even though at times I am sure he would rather stay at home he does it cause thats just who he is and after 34 years he keeps getting better and better. I am thankful for my Mom! I am grateful for the time I got to really know her after all these years! I am so grateful that she moved up to Utah 8 months before I moved to California. She helped me  so much while Ben was in California. We went shopping at second hand stores, hung pictures, found bargains and just had a great time. I love her very much and am so glad for the time we had! I am thankful for my brothers and sisters. All of them have their trials and struggles and I love that they are there for me when I need them and I love them very much. I love Ben's parents and siblings too! They are all apart of what makes us a family and makes us feel whole. I am grateful for health, safety, security, and for being in a country that allows us freedom. I am grateful for trials, what doesn't kill us( which at times seems better) makes us stronger. I know at times I feel sad but when I get done with my pity party I realize that I have SO much compared to so many others. I am grateful this time of year that we pay attention to those things that are precious to us. We have been given so much and have so much to give back! I am thankful for all that I have been given !!

Not Again!!!!!

I knew at some point this topic would enter my blog just cause it has become a part of my life, not that I want it or that I really even accept it but that it is forced into my life. Having an alcoholic son is  NOT FUN! I know there are plenty that go through this and I have so much to learn and to understand but it is SO HARD! I don't know how to deal with it and I flounder around trying to get my bearings to deal with the " episodes". They are getting pretty routine now. I can tell when they are going to happen and  I do all that I can to make sure that they don't and they do anyway! How frustrating is that? I miss the son that this one has taken the place of! I still love him but there are times when I get really angry and there isn't much love in my heart. Then I feel shame and sadness that I have NO control of the situation and that ALL the talking I could possibly do will not change this situation at all. It has to come from within him and that is something only he can do. I think I have a long way to go before the thought of being a celestial parent even comes into view. I know that this will pass just like all the other times and I pray this will be the last but know it won't and I cry a million tears and then the peace will come when this passes and the waiting will begin for the next one. It's hard to see what it does to him and how out of control he is and how in control the alcohol is and how it will be until he decides he has had enough. The stress that it causes our family will pass and we will survive but will he or will the alcohol win and get him forever. It's not my choice for him because he has so much ahead of him and has so much to offer but for now its not what I want its what he has given into. Makes me angry, sad and helpless and all I can really do is pray that he will make it through another one. This is not fun and I have so much more to learn.

New Job!

So since I have been in California I have been busy with life, which includes kids, adam, home and church and whatever else I can find. I have been able to get used to the area and the kids are doing well and Adam is fine for now so I figured it was time to find a part time job to help pay for the electric bills and anything else if there was any left over. I had looked when we first got here and even applied online at Target since its just walking distance to my house. Not one word or phone call. I was sorta glad cause I needed to work but didn't really want to work. I had fun making bread, rolls, cookies and other fun treats, my house was clean and I had time to read my scriptures and life was good except that electric bill was just growing bigger and bigger. I hadn't checked on craigslist for a while so after adam had been on there looking I decided to look( this was friday!) I saw a job listing for a part time seamstress, for about 3 hrs a day and $10 an hr! I thought this would be a great fit and I could still have time to do my volunteer work at the hospital and be home for the kids and not too long away from adam! I quickly sent off and email saying a bunch of excited stuff and not really too much about my experience, so I hurriedly sent off a second email, which looking back probably looked really a little crazy. I wasn't sure what the job would be like but I was super excited and wanted it really bad. Well Sat morning I looked in my email to see if I had gotten a response and sure enough I did and I was asked where I lived and I hurried and sent off the email and within a few minutes the phone rang! I knew the number was a local one and figured it could be for the job!! I hurried and answered it and made an appt to meet on monday or tuesday! Well I meet Annette on Tuesday and started Thursday, not even a week from the day I first saw the listing and the rest is history! I love my job, the place where I work and Annette. She is a very creative person and very friendly and nice!!!( like most of the people here). I sew covers for castz and bootz and I also sew slingz! ( the z is a trade mark and her last name has a few in it too).Its
fun and comfortable and the drive to her house in the country is great! Her house is on a hill and its just so relaxing to drive there. I have to say its the perfect job for me and I know it was an answer to prayer! I even told her that. Well thats my new news and I am very grateful for all that I have for it isn't from me but from Heavenly Father, who is so aware of all!!!
Here is the website of what I do at www.castcoverz.com